Thursday, June 20, 2013

Let's Be Honest. Part 1.

Well, if I'm being completely honest...I have an extra 15 pounds on me.  Here's what happened: after we lost Celeste, Kemi and I stopped caring for awhile. We ate Ben and Jerry's most nights for dinner, on the couch, passing the carton back and forth, talking through tears late into the night.  Ben and Jerry's Phish Food will forever take me back to those first few days.  And I didn't care. Didn't care to shower, didn't care to brush my hair or change out of the black sweatpants I slept in. Every night.  Just didn't care. In fact, I didn't want to shower. I didn't want to change from how I was that day I held my girl on my chest.  Grief does strange things to the mind.
Anyway, as it turns out, I gained 20 pounds. Now, I know this is totally normal for a post-baby body, and sometimes I have to remind myself of that. I don't have the newborn to carry around to show that I just gave birth, so sometimes I have to consciously remind myself that, four months ago, I was six months pregnant. When I had Evie, I told myself that it took 9 months for my body to change, so I was totally ok with it taking at least 9 months for it to change back.  Well, it didn't completely change back because five months after Evie was born, I became pregnant with Celeste. Six months later, I lost Celeste, got swallowed by an ocean, and here I am. Not to mention that with Evie, I got to breastfeed, which really helps to get that body back in shape. With Celeste, my milk came in three days later like a mean joke, and then went away after two weeks and more than one embarrassing "wet shirt" incidence at work.

So, now, here I am, 15 pounds over my pre-Evie weight.  And the story is this: I wouldn't be concerned, except this is not a normal weight for me.  And I'll be honest, I'm struggling a bit with it. I don't fit into 75% of the clothes in my closet, making it hard at times to feel attractive. But my real concern is health-related.  You see, if Kemi and I are blessed to conceive again, I will be put on bed rest at 15 weeks.   According to my (amazing) doctor, that means get in the car in the morning, go to work, sit at a desk, get in car, come home, sit/lay down, and go to bed. Repeat.  If any of you know me well, you know that is just not my style. I don't sit still.  So, bed rest will be hard enough for me mentally, but it will also be hard physically. I will not be able to exercise, at all. So for me to feel healthy enough to conceive again, I'd really like to be back to pre-pregnancy weight first, with the assumption that I will probably gain it all back plus some during our next pregnancy due to lack of activity.

So, I am going to try to lose it, and I'll take you along with me.  Wish me luck! I'll post more this week about my plan of attack ;)


  1. it has taken me two years. my mind wasn't in it any of the other times I tried to lose weight. so when my daughter turned two, my mind did some flip flop and I was ready to lose it. I've been doing the Atkins for four weeks and am halfway to my goal! I'm so excited!

    You can do it once you set your mind to it! Good luck :-)

  2. You can do it!! determination, dedication, discipline!

  3. Thanks for the encouragement guys! I'll keep y'all updated. Hopefully I have progress to report soon :D