Monday, September 9, 2013

Keepin' It Real Mondays: Time

A post I started last week:

Today I rushed her. Today, at 7:45 am, exactly the time I should (no, WE should) be pulling out of the driveway so that I can be in an 8:00 am meeting, Evie was on her tummy in her crib, legs curled under her, toes sticking out, butt in the air, with at least six of her most loved blankies bunched up under her head like a pillow.  And instead of standing there, enjoying the moment of watching my precious first baby sleep, my heart was racing. Because I'm late now. And so, I had a choice, I can pick her up from a deep sleep and carry her straight to the car and stick her in her car seat, and we can be on our way. Which will surely disorient her and put her in a sour mood.  Or I can wait. I can just wait for her to wake up on her own, and accept that I will be late. And that is what I did. I sat on the couch and anxiously waited.

But it was nothing to be applauded. Because once she was awake, I rushed her. I thrust the bottle I had already warmed and ready into her hands so she could eat while I changed her soaked diaper and got her dressed. I didn't snuggle her in my bed and feed her and smell her hair like I do on Saturdays. I rushed. I didn't get to enjoy any of the first few minutes of my day with her because my work responsibilities were overshadowing my mom responsibilities. And that really sucks.  And it happens all.the.time.

I've been feeling just so discouraged lately, guys. Being a working mom is not a bit glamorous and most days it feels nearly impossible.

Kemi and I have had many, many, MANY conversations these past few weeks about what sort of solutions there might be. We both are feeling so discouraged, and such unrest. The general theme around our house is complete exhaustion right now. We were saying the other night that we both feel guilty to ask for anything more, because in a million different ways, we are so incredibly blessed. We both have good jobs, we're able to pay the bills each month, we are all healthy, we have been given two beautiful daughters.  But then we came to the conclusion that what our hearts are longing for is...time. Time to enjoy each other. Time to enjoy Evie each day. Time for rest. Time for prayer. Just time.  And I don't think that's wrong. In fact, I think that God making my heart to desire more time with my family is a wonderful thing. And yet, I have no great solutions...

I think at the very least it's a call to prayer, to discern things more closely.

Double skirts are in, now, guys!

1 comment:

  1. This post SPEAKS to me. Ray and I have been in the same boat all Summer. Just desperate for more time together, time with Emmett, time to rest and just be. It's so hard!