Friday, November 15, 2013

For My Girl

Sweet girl. After we lay you down for the night, sometimes your Papa and I just miss you. We always say that we want to go back in and get you for more hugs and kisses.  And some nights, we almost do.


Sometimes Evie, I worry. Ok, a lot of the time, I worry. And when you're a mama, you'll worry too and then you'll understand. I worry about the choices I make for you. That no matter how long I think and pray, and despite the fact that I would do anything for you, that I'm making all the wrong decisions. I worry that I need you more than you need me. You're growing and changing so quickly before my eyes, and I want to stop and hold you close and hit pause for awhile.  You've had a little bit of a cold. A  few nights ago you cried out for me, and I came in to find you standing up, arms outstretched, yelling "Mama!" My heart burst.  I love when you need me, because truly I need you too.  I love you in such a profound, deep-down love that sometimes it scares me a little.  I want to be just perfect for you. I want to be the perfect mama to you, because you deserve nothing less, and yet, somehow I know I can't be. I can never be perfect.  But you'll take me anyway, the way I am. And I'll take you too. I'll take you, just the way you are. I love every bit of you.  Everything. I'm yours, forever.

XOXO

6 comments:

  1. I feel that way sometimes when they are sleeping, too, which always amazes me since it is sometimes such a struggle to get them to sleep. Love those snuggles!

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    1. Tell me about it! I guess that's the heartache of being a mama!

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  2. Tears! This is precious. You're such a good mama, and Evie will love reading this when she's older. What a gift you are to her.

    You're right- we'll never be perfect mamas, but we're perfect for our babies.

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    1. Thanks AK! I need to remember that on the bad days, ya know?

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  3. First time visiting! This almost made me cry! I'm a new mom to a 6 month old and lately I've been thinking, what if he doesn't need me, or when will he not need me anymore? He's starting to reach for me which just breaks my heart if he's crying. I hope he'll always need me b/c I'll always need him!

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    1. Hi Jessica!

      Welcome! Glad you found me! It's an emotional roller coaster, isn't it!?

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